Children Interpret the Bible

FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST – KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED NOR CORRECTED i.e. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT as is.

1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS.
GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE
SABBATH OFF.

2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE.
NOAH’S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND
THE AN IMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.

3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY,
BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.

4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT
HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC
GENITALS.

5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED
ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.

6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF
THE APOSTLES.

7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY
MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY
INGREDIENTS.

8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE
DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE
TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.

9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM
TO EAT THE APPLE.

10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT
ADMIT ADULTERY.

11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA.
THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF
GERITOL.

12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN
JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STIL L AND HE OBEYED
HIM.

13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT
PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE
OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.

14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND
700 PORCUPINES.

15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS,
SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.

16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE
ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.

17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE
CONTRAPTION.

18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS
HEAD.

19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS
TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE
ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.

20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD
AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.

21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED
THE 12 DECIBELS.

22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.

23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS
ALSO A TAXIMAN.

24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE
PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR
MARRAIGE.

25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS
CALLED MONOTONY.

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